L'Arc-en_Ciel

Friday (270804):
My gal pal's back and we met up for dinner; She had a wonderful Japan trip touring with her fave band (Ken-chan kireii ne!), L'Arc-en-Ciel. Am glad she got time to destress and is back freelancing (good money, girl!). Groupie huh? hehehe. Next trip, I'm packing my bags for fubu!

Saturday (280804):
Unfortunately, after the fried chicken wings, fries, coleslaw and baked beans dinner combo, I was down with terrible food poisoning the next day (couldn't get out of bed). Maybe its got to do with the fact that I have been bringing lunch bento to work (so my tummy rejected hawker food?). There goes my Saturday's routine. Sunday was time to catch up on my music lesson. Owned up that I didn't get to practise due to Saturday's incident (thank God Zali was ok).

Monday (300804):
Today, a colleague of mine decided to quit. He's been thinking about it for awhile now. It was unfortunate because I would have thought he would be stronger than that, hold the fort and attain closure for a project. However, I respect his wishes. A quick reshuffling of resources was needed. It was a nice closure - forgive and forget. I took the opportunity to stress that whatver disagreement we had, it was strictly work-related.

Also, I'd realised how a minor rewording in emails could create such a ruckus. Maybe its Monday blues and the fact that I was under the weather over the weekend but these things seemed to irk me today. *Mentally telling myself to be patient*

Anyway, these pictures of my cousins never fail to cheer me up (Uncle Zul really captured the carefree innocence; how I wish I am young again)

Goodbye Girl - David Gate
All your life you've waited for love to come and stay
And now that I have found you, you must not slip away
I know it's hard believin' the words you've heard before
But darlin' you must trust them just once more.
Cause baby goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't be long away
Cause the things you do my goodbye girl will bring me back to you.
I know you've been taken, afraid to hurt again
You fight the love you feel for me instead of givin' in
But I can wait forever, my helpin' you to see
That I was meant for you and you for me.
So remember goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again
Though we may be so far apart you still would have my heart
So forget your past, my goodbye girl cause now you're home at last.

Mmm Hot BunZ

8 Liang Seah Street

Thursday (260804):
Its been awhile since I met my cousins for a catch up session (and if its not for the camera agenda ha!). We had dinner at BunZ. It has similar concept to what I had in mind as one of my many business ideans - steamed buns on the go; in this case, its like a pita or taco concept where you have healthy chicken meat with various sauces and greens (instead of dips I envisioned with my ex). Verdict = will definitely go back again coz its light, healthy with nice ambience (not to mention the affordability).

Looking at my cousin, I realised that I was her previously, blinded by love and in denial that we could work things out (or rather I envisioned in my head that I am capable of fixing anything but what is there to fix if the problem lies with the other party... my self worth and integrity is intact... you cannot force someone to grow up if he doesn't want to... he has to grow at his own pace). That is the sad truth and it'll hurt alittle... well, I have moved on and I wish she will to (two more weeks and after a pair of shoes huh, Yan? We'll see) Love is letting go and with time you'll know if he is the one for you. In any case, we deserve better (can hear Inez saying that over and over again) and yeah with time, the wound will heal *hugs*

Ok enough soap opera! Managed to sneak to Kino to browse some books (haha have made list of books to buy!)

Friday (270804):
Argh, countless meetings today; What I learnt? Its hard to change mindsets or could it be generation gap? Bias? Perception? Again, cannot stress how important communication is. My colleague lent me a book on "Type Talk at Work". Browse through and will definitely read it over the weekend.

Success
To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent peopple
And the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends
To appreciate beauty
To find the best in others!

To leave the world a bit better
Whether by a healthy child
A garden patch or a redeemed social condition
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

Biker Chic?

After much pondering and getting clearance from mum, I decided to take up bike licence. Have informed my pals who are equally keen about this.

Its so convenient to have a vehicle (bikes are affordable and easy to manouvre) especially like today where I spent half a day shuttling from Simei (east) to Sembawang (north) to Jalan Bahar (west) then back to office at Anson Road (south).

I had a car previously, but the expenses were ludicrous. On hind sight, I understood where the government was coming from (yes we are a mere isle; there has to be control checkpoints etc.. so granted)

Talk about politics, last night, after listening to PM's National Day Rally Speech, I felt renewed hope that we are moving towards the right direction, yes it may take time but we are making progress. Suddenly I felt 'belonged'. I used to feel jaded about the policies we have (old guard and new generation mindset gap? perhaps).

Previously from the teaching vocation, I use to feel that so much could be done to improve our education system (and I was aware that alone, I could never make a big difference; feeling jaded I bowed out although I love teaching BUT not the paperwork that comes with it - always thought that we should emulate the American system where they have administrators to help the teachers with the mundane paperwork and leave the teachers to focus on actual teaching)

Right now, am so glad that we are heading towards a more experiential learning rather than exam focused. Who knows, I may re-join the teaching force some day (I reckon Sherman, my RMIT lecturer, would be pleased to know that) :)

The Silence

Such tragedy when you thought you could trust your conviction about a person only to be proven wrong (error of judgement on my part? perhaps). That happened to me this week.

Reflecting on the past, I did see red flags; noticed the signs. The persistence was not so much that he wanted to make me happy; It was traits of a commitment phobic who wanted the adrenaline rush of romance and the feeling of falling in love but could never bring himself to be in love for long. I took the time to ask difficult questions and I should have realised then that he never really provided the answers.

I know what I want and I have communicated these to those keen to start a relationship with me - I want the best for my future kids (yes! I want bundles of joy I could call my own.. that will make me feel complete). I want the best for me! I want a husband who will love me unconditionally, takes good care of me (guide me); who will be responsible and committed to his family (which ultimately will include me); who is stronger than I am. I need that, that emotional support. I need someone who I can have an open, intelligent and honest conversations with; who is not afraid to share his thoughts and feelings (no MCP for me, thank you!); someone who shares my thirst for seeking knowledge and new wisdom, someone who shares my passion in reading, sports/fitness yet is distinctively a man of his own character and mettle (that confidence which I find so alluring). Someone with a stronger faith than I am (yes he has to be a MUSLIM) and someone who is at a stage of his life where he is ready to settle down.

I know Allah has plans for me; everything happens for a reason and I submit to GOD's will coz I know it will make me stronger; a better person ultimately for the one deserving of me. And that's ok. Right now, am just a little sad, but I will be ok. I know I will. I will continue to keep ALLAH close to me and pray for my wishes to come true, Amen.

Life's Lesson

I learn, as the years roll onwards
And leave the past behind
That much I had counted sorrow
But proves that GOD is kind

That may a flower I had longed for
Had hidden a thorn of pain
And may a rugged bypath
Led to fields of ripened grain

The clouds cover the sunshine
They cannot banish the sun
And the earth shines out brighter
When the weary rain is done

We must stand in the deepest shadow
To see the clearest light
And often through wrong's own darkness
Comes the very strength of light

The sweetest rest is at even
After a wearisome day
When the heavy burden of labor
Has borne from our hearts away

And those who have never known sorrow
Cannot know the infinite peace
That falls on the troubled spirit
When it sees at least release

We must live through the dreary winter
If we would value the spring
And the woods must be cold and silent
The flowers must be buried in darkness

Before they can bud and bloom
And the sweetest, warmest sunshine
Comes after the storm and gloom

Blessed 30

Life has its magical moments if you take the time to be in tune with the world. Today, I feel blessed at the turn of events of late.

Thanks to Dr Hwang and the ever bubbly Li Li for wishing me an advance birthday and guaranteeing that I could remove my braces by September before my friend's wedding; I quote, "you will look simply marvelous!" (haha Val, I would not outshine you.. you think too highly of me!)

Thanks to my colleagues for acknowledging the bookworm that I am; Spent half a day picking great books at Kino ... am now a satisfied Kino customer :) (hey Shafiq, I'll grab Dan Brown's "Da Vin Ci Code" some day... thanks for the referral)

Thanks to all my RMIT buddies who decided to surprise me with an early birthday celebration at Cat's place (thanks Samuel for your hospitality... Fred for taking the time to drop by with one of my fave mata kuchings, its been awhile since we chatted like that). Its always nice to catch up once a year and chat like old friends do.

Thanks Zali for a wonderful early birthday rendition on the keyboard... somehow it was funny teaching me "Happy Birthday" while celebrating my birthday at the same time :P

Yesterday, was wonderful celebrating my birthday with my dive buddies (got to know Jo better too!). Thanks CY for the CD rom and for being a wonderful dive buddy (thanks for wanting to forgo yr badmintion session to have dinner with me today but, I'll take a rain check on that for now). Have fun with your Korea trip Yan Nah. Val, thanks for taking the time to buy my gift, it was splendid and all the wonderful midnight greetings (Anto, didn't expect you to remember... great service!) *touched*

Upon reaching home at midnight, was pleasantly surprised with the birthday spa voucher from my elder brother; we may have our differences and sibling squabbles but thank you for caring still. Thanks huh younger bro for the endless teasing! ;P

Thank you Luke (yesshh big 30!), Des and Juth (Happy Birthday to you too!) for remembering my special day. All these grateful "thank yous"... hmm must be due to the influence by Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things"... she deserves the Booker Prize (splendid read on humour, humanity and humility, exceptional in every minute way).

Above all else, I thank GOD for letting me live to witness another beautiful day. Mum, I love you (and the chocolicious cake and gift). Am forever indebted to you for all that you've done for me.

Inez and Jill, your prophecy came true *white flag from Dido*. Sometime I get blinded and I need pals like you to 'open up my eyes' or knock some sense into me. Thank you and miss you loads!

"My hopes, my dreams, old photographs, of good times and bad times that make me laugh. The joy of a hug leaves me to remember the pure, simple bliss. I cry for the fun, and giggle for the pain, I enjoyed the good life I was able to maintain. The thoughts and wishes, they all stay with me,all of these contained in my book of memories." 

PS: Today I am free and I thank the quote from "Shantaram" for getting me to that realisation :)

Getting To Know You & Me

TGIF and was not really in the mood to work; had a little MSN chat with my colleagues. One of them encouraged me to do the HUMANMETRICS (try this short, fun and worthwhile test!). Being the ever adventurous person, I did it. I read the review about my personality type... what a revelation! (read this to know me better and you can click on your type as well after you do the test). I must say, I was a skeptic about MBIT but to be fair, it does have its merits. Well, it doesn't hurt to get to know thyself better if it benefits the people you care, right? (and vice versa).

Now I understand why sometimes I have unnecessary conflicts with my dar (simply hate to argue); You know that feeling when something happened and you don't know what hit you? Or where you went wrong? My conviction tells me that it was not that we love each other any lesser, it was just that we have different personality types. If we knew this before, we could have worked our way through some of the unnecessary tiffs we had more constructively and put our energy to better use elsewhere (because on an average day, we are happy together).

If its too late, then we have to live with the decisions we made and move on:

"The secret of living: Make each day a magnificent adventure. Accept the challenges that come your way. Seize each opportunity that you find without concern for what others might say. Experience each day with open arms, savoring both victory and strife, welcoming the good and the bad together. For only then will you know the joy of life"

Good chat with Luke

Surprise, surprise... was just tucking myself to bed when Luke called me after the Genting trip. It was a really great catch up session. Glad that the new job went well. Hope to meet up for dinner some day... like my birthday *hint hint* haha ;P

Work today was all about documentation. Also learnt about being specific in my communicae; no assumptions. If you don't receive a reply, chase for it and not assume that whatever you have attached in your email was being read and understood. Its hard work, but somebody has to do it! Yada yada yada

Brother was unwell, poor chap. In fact, I was having bouts of upset tummy; not sure if it was due to the food I ate at the picnic or the flu bug lurking around or my monthly cycle, yipes! :P

Was so glad my colleague lent me a bestseller book on "Just Your Type - Creating the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type" by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. Hmm, maybe it will cast some light as to how I can improve my approach with people from all walks of life; Am game to try anything... hey, ain't life about experiences and learning?

End this note with an excerpt from James Patterson's Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas:

"Never forget this one, Nicky. This is terribly important. It goes like this. Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls - work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends and integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life."

Forensic Pathology

Friday (060804): Dreamt of my dar last night; funny as it sounds was glad it happened just so I could 'see' him after so long... he looked well which is a good thing :)

Before I headed to work, I viewed a tape from my client; cool stuff! Made me aspire to be an investigative officer, ha! ;P Work-wise was all about progress reports ...

Everyone has his or her own way of handling things; a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason", I pray that the best will come my buddy's way coz I know she deserves it. Gonna miss you and talk to you soon, precious *hugs*.

Hmm, wonder how the tandem sky dive went for a close pal (am keen to take it up too).

Saturday (070804): Collected my keyboard and had a wonderful time practising away.

Bought some baking stuff (in the mood to bake)!

Talked to mum about the possibility of me completing my masters in Melbourne (just wanna vibe her to see if she would be ok with that) ... nothing is fixed, just hope to submit my request for scholarship and we'll see where that leads me to (leave it in Allah's hands).

My cousins from Malacca came so we'll gather at granny's on Sunday (there was a plan for picnic too!)

A reunion for my alumni is underway next week (good time to catch up before one of them delivers) :)

Sunday (080804): A friend of mine was in Genting and was suprised to receive her sms (was just sharing thots about a mutual friend)

My keyboard instructor told me, "you gotta let your passion for music guide you.. have patience; you are not chasing a bus or anything... music is about leisure so relax" ... felt like I got hit by a bulldozer, ha! Work hazard kicking in... must learn how to relax MORE. Its funny how through your daily activities, traits of you surface... can hear a buddy snigger, "Stop being a tight ass!" In everything I do, I want to give the best; that's how mum nurtured me but I acknowledge that I have 'mellowed' alot through the years especially now.

Oh well, went home to bake two cakes (choc cake + banana walnut cake) while I ponder over the day's events (learnt alot). Thank you, everyone :)

Monday (090804): Happy birthday, Singapore. Headed for picnic at Pasir Ris and had an interesting discussion with my cousin about forensic pathology; we both love Patricia Cornwell. Planned to head down to Kino next week to buy some books; Back home, stumbled upon James Patterson's "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas" (excellent!) Now, I have a book to read to while my lazy afternoon away... this is HAPPINESS!

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved" – Victor Hugo

PS: Reminded me of the national celebration we had last year, dar

Pleasant Surprise

Today's a good day (just like any other day; its a state of mind?) My peers celebrated my CEO's birthday and mine today (its advance, I know); love the chocolate cake and bookworm me got a wonderful birtday gift - Kinokuniya book voucher woohoo! Funny how I was just planning to head to town sometime this month to buy books at Kino or Borders :)

And I'll be meeting up with my dive mates in 2 weeks to celebrate my birthday (hope there's no sabotage of any kind, ha!)

Mum called to confirm that she has booked the photo studio for family portrait of my brother and I in our convocation gowns (can sense her pride at this accomplishment)... love you mum!

Oh last night, Clarence (my Yoga instructor) was rather funny; it was a fun class. Darn! I was informed that I am left with only 17 more lessons at the gym... well worth it to extend my membership, don't you think? Have to see my schedule coz dread extending the membership before the fasting month ;P

Ok off to lunch.. before I continue with this...

Received a call from my music school - my keyboard is in wohoo! (thanks, Jude) Gonna collect it this week and practise, practise, practise...poor Boy has to put up with me and no more 'laughing' from my music instructor (Zali, can hear you saying, "Must have two Nor Azzah, one left hand for the chords and one right hand for the keys) :P

Was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from a dear friend (precious, if you are reading this, love you loads!) Its good to 'hibernate, do some soul searching and rejuvenate'. Wished her well (safe journey to and fro). What's wonderful about our friendship is that we don't have to stick together to stay together. At the back of our minds, we know we are there for each other in times of need :)

Time: 9.45pm... Gonna head home and get some rest. Tomorrow have to continue with more documentation, blah! Thank GOD for the long National Day weekend. *feeling patriotic* Majulah Singapura...

Proud Family Moment

They say, "Its not where you are or what you do, its who you take along with you that matters".

On Sunday (010804), my brother decided to take his 3 most important ladies - mum, sis and girlfriend - to witness his convocation. It was brief but meaningful. And it was the first time mum got to meet my Ms H (verdict: pleasant girl... bro, you have my vote of confidence!).

On Monday morning (020804), when I woke up for my morning prayers, I could hardly open my eyes! It was itching over the weekend, used eye drop but to no avail; woke up with yellow 'muck' around my eyes (gross!). Went to the doctor's; Verdict: eye infection, yipes! Did alot of work from home (whichever I could) and had some quality time with mum :)

Today, back at work and Alhamdulillah, some of the technical matters were resolved (insya Allah). I just hope the client will provide positive feedback tomorrow. Long day, time now 9.45pm. Time to log off!

PS: Thanks to my dive buddies who extended an invitation to celebrate my birthday with me *touched* ;)